Revenge Is Never Good

What motivates you to seek custody?

What motivates you to propose a "typical" schedule for your child's other parent?

I hear many lawyers say that their clients want the other party to have "the typical schedule, you know, every other weekend and one night a week". I ask them, "Would your client accept that schedule?" In deposition, I ask their clients, "Is one evening a week and every other weekend enough time for you to spend with your child?" They inevitably say, "Oh, no!" As though I have proposed that they stab themselves in the heart. "Then why," comes my follow-up, "is it enough time for the child's other parent?"

Blank stares. "Because I'm the Mom", is a frequent answer when I represent the father. "Because I'm the better parent" is the number two protest.

"Because I hate the S.O.B." might well be closer to their truth.

Parenting schedules should not be set according to your drive for revenge. "Stability" is an oft-listed motivation for having "more time" at the "custodial parent's" home and less time at the other parent's home. But my experience is that children -- especially young children -- do best with routine but not necessarily the routine you might think. They do best with MOST schedules IF they are routinely followed.

Here is a book that I frequently recommend:

Mom's House, Dad's House, by Isolini Ricci


If you are facing a divorce involving minor children, I highly recommend that you read, reflect and regroup before you start slogging around truisms to justify a quest for revenge as a secret -- or not so secret -- motivation for the schedule you tell your lawyer to zealously advocate.

Remember: Living well is the best revenge! And the unintended consequence of a plot to curtail your soon-to-be-ex-spouse's time with your child in order to levy revenge on the other parent's head might be that your child resents you, and gravitates towards the other parent whom the child might well perceive as being just as much of a victim of your question for vengeance as the child.