Someone recently asked me to identify the single most important thing to do when faced with the potential of a fight with your soon-to-be-ex spouse over children and the custodial arrangements. My answer? BE SINCERE. Separate issues that have significance from those which are inconsequential. Don't argue over inconsequential matters; stick to your guns over those which are important. And ask your lawyer how to tell the difference. Things that might appear important at first blush, really might be trivial.
Don't argue over a few hours here or there; do argue over a few overnights here or there. Don't argue over semantics; do argue over important language -- "joint legal custody" has genuine significance; "joint physical custody" has genuine significance. But once you have "joint legal and joint physical custody", the issue of "the child's address for purposes of mailing and education" is less significant unless you are in separate school districts, or the other parent's home is undesirable for some major reason such as domestic violence, drugs or alcohol, in which case, you are likely to be going for sole legal custody anyway.
In short, figure out what is important, and fight for that; and ask for your lawyer's help in figuring that out. Then, be sincere about what you want, and kind about those points which have less significance. This will increase your likelihood of success, and enhance your appeal to the court, as well as making you generally better at performing your role as a parent.
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